I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
