So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
