If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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