My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
