This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
