His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Still dying that you shit outside
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
