he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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