remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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