You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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