even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
