Heybabeimwearingurpanties
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
