did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
