We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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