Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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