Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
