That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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