Having a random hookup so left but love u
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
