What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
