Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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