She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
