Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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