My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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