If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
