the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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