your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
