and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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