ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
