she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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