if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
