Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
