I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
