i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
