Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
