I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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