Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
