Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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