god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
