I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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