He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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