I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
