oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
