I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
did i just pee glitter
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
