Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
