Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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