I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
