Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
