I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
