too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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