so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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