M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
