Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
