the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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