So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
